THE HONOR BOUND GROOM Page 11

  She'd just tugged off her clothes and was trying to clean up. A warm wet washcloth was the only thing between her and Mac's eyes. A hundred times, she'd fantasized about being bare for Mac, bare with Mac—but in her fantasy scenarios she'd dreamed his seeing her naked for the first time as a lover. Never like this, with bald fluorescent light glaring and her tummy swollen like a mountain and the mess still not cleaned up from the broken water. She froze for that instant in expectation of feeling embarrassed and awkward … yet that awkwardness never had a chance to develop. He clearly saw. He clearly looked. But barely a millisecond passed before he was reaching for a warm thick towel—to warm her, not to cover her—the difference apparent in the kindling possessive intenseness in his gaze. And for the first time in hours, he slowed down long enough to speak quietly.

  "I didn't mean to … I was afraid you needed help and you wouldn't tell me, Kel. It's an insane time to tell you that I think you're the most beautiful woman alive. But this isn't just a moment when I'm prepared to be tactful about what comes out of my mouth. I'm a little shook up—"

  "I know you are."

  "I'll get over it. It's just…" A hand scraped through his hair like a claw. "We had everything set up, every contingency planned for. The best doctors, the best place, the best everything to make sure the birth went as right for you as it possibly could."

  "I know."

  "And I get sick at the thought of you in pain."

  His vulnerable response to her pain touched her heart more than anything else could have, and so did their crazy gin rummy game.

  She didn't remember exactly when her labor coach showed up with those silly cards. After helping her clean up, he moved the plastic sheet and all the linens so the baby could be born in his giant bed. But there was a stretch of time when the labor pains slowed down. Contrary to what she'd ever thought, she was okay with the pain—for damn sure, it was worse than anything she'd ever experienced, but the power of natural instincts helped her keep focused. The baby just wanted to be born. Her body and the baby were simply working together. But in that slowdown stretch, she was feeling discouraged, and that was when Mac brought in the deck of cards. She watched him, hand after hand, fear-sweat beading his brow … yet still concentrating hard enough to cheat and make absolutely sure she'd win.

  She thought she'd remember that gin rummy game until she was 105. And the look of his room—the king-size four-poster bed, the dark lake blue carpet, the open door to his closet revealing hangers of proper suits. The room was so Mac. A serious mattress, nice furniture, nothing he was depriving himself of—but no luxuries for himself, no extras. Mac's generosity to others had always been a contradiction to how ruthlessly hard he was on himself, and those intimate hours together underscored both her understanding of Mac and why she loved him. There was simply no way he was a man who could survive labor. He couldn't fix it. He couldn't control it. He couldn't do anything to make it easy or right for her. He was miserable.

  By midnight, so was she. Elated, miserable, exhausted, sweaty, joyous, irritable. The weather changed. The instant the blizzard winds died, Mac had the cell phone dialed for a Med-Vac helicopter, but she knew it wasn't going to get here in time. So did Mac. They were alone. Just the two of them. And though it had to seem unlikely, she wouldn't have wished for it any other way. Images swirled in her mind. The incredible, precious intimacy of the moment when the baby's head crowned. Mac, suddenly turning calm. Mac, his eyes so intense, so loving, so full of wonder and excitement.

  Mac, holding their slippery, squalling daughter in his hands. "You look just like your mom, Annie. Beyond beautiful." And the way he looked at her as he secured the baby in her arms. Then, "I love you, Kelly." The words coming out of nowhere. Just simple. Softly spoken. His heart speaking.

  They weren't alone for long. Within an hour, she heard the whirl of helicopter blades outside as it landed on the ground, coming to pick up the mom and new baby. She argued about going. The baby was clearly fine. She was beyond fine, once the baby was in her arms, and the bond they'd made together this night was so powerful and precious that she just wanted nothing to come between them. But Mac could only take so much stress that night. He wanted them both in a hospital and no way was he budging.

  Not then.

  Not about that.

  * * *

  Chapter 8

  «^»

  "Okay. You can sit up now, Kelly. And in answer to the question you're dying to ask me … absolutely yes." Dr. Lynn perched on the examining room stool and clicked on her ballpoint to jot notes in Kelly's file—but not before shooting her a grin. Usually Dr. Lynn's sense of humor made her especially easy to talk to, but this time Kelly didn't have a clue what she meant.

  "Well, I heard the 'absolutely yes,' but I'm afraid I'm missing the question," Kelly said wryly.

  "Yes, you can have sex with your husband again." Dr. Lynn peered at her over slim black spectacles. "It's always the first question women ask me during this six-week postpartum checkup. And I assume you're a little nervous about having sex this first time after the baby."

  "Um…" Never having mentioned her private life with Mac—or lack of—Kelly just hadn't expected this subject to come up with the doctor.

  "Well, I give the same lecture to every new mom, so you won't have to worry about asking the same embarrassing questions. It's just natural you'll both feel nervous this first time after the birth. He's afraid of hurting you. You're afraid of being hurt. And both of you are probably worried that going through the labor process changed you physically—to be blunt, that you won't fit together the way you used to fit…"

  Kelly didn't have to respond. Dr. Lynn was still going on.

  "…but I can ease your mind on that, dear. The night you were flown in after the baby was born, I'm well aware you didn't appreciate my messing with you at the time. But you did tear some, and you may not have wanted those stitches then, but believe me, you'll both appreciate them tonight. Just go slow with each other this first time. Be sensitive that both of you are a little nervous and a little overeager. It'll be fine. Any more questions on that?"

  "No."

  "Well, I couldn't give you a cleaner bill of health. You're looking great. Nursing going okay?"

  "Couldn't be better," Kelly said.

  "Good. I'm a supporter of nursing, but I also like what you're doing with one bottle at night. It's tough enough for a new mom to get her rest. That helps. And there's always a chance of your getting ill or tied up sometime, so it's just practical good sense for the baby to know what a bottle is."

  Twenty minutes later, Kelly left the doctor's office. A tufty breeze sifted through her hair as she walked across the street to Benz's waiting car. The late March afternoon was chipper, but the wind carried the restless, winsome scent of spring, making Kelly think of love songs.

  "Things go okay, honey?" Benz asked when she climbed in.

  "No problems. She said I was fit as a fiddle." On the drive home, they passed daffodils peeking out of the ground and dogwoods bursting into early blossom. Benz chatted about Annie and she chatted back, but for once, her breathtakingly beautiful and precociously brilliant six-week-old daughter wasn't on her mind.

  Sex was.

  Truthfully, making love with Mac had been on her mind darn near incessantly. Before the baby was born, he'd wanted them to have a "think" period. She'd thought. Plenty. Particularly after the incredible night of Annie's birth. But it wasn't as if either of them had a choice right after she was physically recovering from the birth—and suddenly that choice was there.

  Kelly gnawed on a thumbnail, unsure if she had the courage to seduce Mac … but damned sure, with his sense of honor, that he'd never pressure her by making the first move unless she'd clearly shown him her willingness.

  The black lace negligee Aunt Marie gave her just happened to be hanging in the closet. It wouldn't have fit her even two weeks ago—and her tummy still had a pudge to it—but she was pretty sure it would fit her now. Almost every
thing else did. A few days before, Kate had dragged her unwillingly away from the baby long enough to have a pamper spree at a salon—hair cut and styled, facial, manicure—it seemed frivolous to Kelly, but Kate claimed every new mom needed that treat. For the first time in her life, she had boobs, thanks to nursing the baby. And besides that, she was healthy and safe and joyously happy over Annie. It all added up to her looking as good as she was ever likely to look in this life.

  But that didn't mean Mac would go along with the wild seduction plan spinning in her mind.

  "Martha'll be happy as a clam, having the baby to herself for two whole hours," Benz said.

  "I hope she didn't cry."

  "Now you know she's good as gold right after her nap…"

  Maybe she'd make a fool of herself. What did she know about seducing anyone? And Mac … she knew he cared, knew he felt the same electric connection when they touched. But chemistry wasn't love, and Kelly was unsure if he would choose to be married to her if his sense of honor hadn't forced that relationship. He'd spoken of love the night the baby was born, but not since. Nor had he brought up sex again, possibly because he'd changed his mind about wanting to sleep with her … and God, she'd die if he rejected her.

  She kept chewing on that thumbnail, those fears building in her mind like mountains. But it still seemed to Kelly that it was time to fish or cut bait. For her, the night the baby was born had sealed every possible loving bond she could feel for Mac. She'd never meant to fall so hard, so deeply, but it was Mac's own darn fault that he'd taught her what real love was. His generous heart had irrevocably opened hers. And Kelly didn't want to add to the responsibility he felt for her … but to never take the risk and show him what he meant to her seemed both cowardly and dead wrong.

  If he rejected her, then she would just have to face that. But it wouldn't kill Mac to discover that someone loved him. Not for his money or his power or what he could do or any of that darn fool idiot stuff. But for himself. For the incredibly special man he was. And in the last six weeks, he'd been Annie's father in every sense that mattered, her husband and lover in every sense—but one.

  And she wanted him desperately in that one sense, too.

  "If this weather keeps warming up, I'm thinking the daffodils and tulips are all gonna pop up in the next week or so—"

  "I'm going to do it, Benz, and that's that," Kelly said firmly.

  "Huh?"

  She recovered swiftly. "Daffodils. I was just thinking I was going to plant some daffodils."

  "Good idea, good idea…"

  Moments later, they reached the tall locked gates, and then they were home. Startling Kelly, a black sports car was parked in front of the door. Although family had been visiting nonstop since the baby was born, no one had just stopped by without calling first. "I don't recognize that car. Do you know who it belongs to?" she asked Benz.

  "Nope, never seen it before."

  She came in through the garage, and found Martha waiting for her in the kitchen, wringing her hands on a dish towel. "The baby's still napping upstairs. I got the monitor on down here and I'll listen for her. You got company in the library—"

  "What's wrong?" In one glance, Kelly could see Martha's pursed expression. Something had to be bothering her.

  "I didn't say anything was wrong. The baby's been an angel. And like I said, I won't budge an inch away from the monitor so I'll hear the minute she wakes up. You just go tend to your company."

  "Who is it, Martha?"

  "Just go see."

  Since Martha would never allow a stranger into the house who shouldn't be there, Kelly couldn't fathom why she was making a minimystery out of some company. But it wasn't as if it mattered; she was going to find out the answer in two seconds. Pushing off her coat, she tossed it on a chair, and tugged on the belt of her cherry red sweater dress as she walked into the library … and then stopped dead on the gulp of a breath.

  The man standing at the fireplace was nursing a drink, wearing slouch-gray slacks and a dark turtleneck. At first glance, a stranger could easily take him for Mac. He had the same glossy dark hair, the same height and lean build, the same striking good looks.

  But it wasn't the man she'd hoped to make love to tonight in any way.

  "Chad." As soon as she said his name, he pivoted around fast enough to make the Scotch splash in his glass.

  "Well … if you aren't looking really fine, Kelly. Being a new mom has to agree with you. You're more gorgeous than I even remembered."

  The compliment stung instead of pleased—not because Chad didn't sound sincere, but because Kelly remembered with painful clarity how easily she'd been swayed by that charm when she'd first met him. And all he had to do was turn around to remember that boyish smile and stunning looks. It hurt to realize she'd been too immature to look deeper. He was simply nothing like Mac. There was no honesty in those eyes, no steel in those shoulders, no character lines on that smooth, handsome brow.

  She'd known he would come home sometime. She'd known. And because facing him again was unavoidable, she'd tried to mentally plan how to best handle it a zillion times in her mind. Yet fear scuttled through her pulse, distracting her ability to think. Why he was here had too much power to affect her and Mac and Annie.

  "You obviously know about the baby," she said carefully.

  "Yeah … and just for the record, I didn't when I left. I admit the relationship was getting too heavy for me, and I thought it best to cut loose. I can understand your not wanting to see me again, but I'd at least like you to know that I'd have done something to help you with the pregnancy if I'd known about it."

  Maybe he would have, but that was water so deep over the dam since that it didn't make any difference. Her palms dampened with nerves. "Did you see Annie?"

  "Yes. Martha was holding her when she answered the door." Chad paused. "She's a beautiful baby. But I only really saw her for a second. Martha took off with her when she started crying—"

  It didn't sound as if he'd even tried to hold her. Some of Kelly's anxiety immediately eased. One of the fears tunneling in the back of her mind was that Chad would take one look at his daughter and form an instant powerful bond. Mac had been irrevocably, lovingly, attached to Annie from the first moment. She'd worried any custody demands would kill him as badly as they would her. "Chad—why don't you just tell me why you're here and what you want? Is there a reason you came home? How did you find out about the baby?"

  "Sheesh, you didn't used to be so blunt." When he couldn't rouse a smile, Chad plunked his glass on the mantel. "I came home because Mac tracked me down. I've been on Sunrise—it's a little hideaway island in the Pacific, a good place to soak up the sun and do some skin diving. I don't even know how Mac knew where I was, but I got a wire from him. That was the first I knew anything about the baby or you two being married or anything else—"

  "Mac tracked you down?" Her voice came out like a cracked whisper, but the news stunned her like a blow. Mac had never mentioned trying to locate his brother. He'd seemed so happy with her, happy with the baby. She'd been so sure they had an honest chance of turning their marriage into a real one if she just took the first risk with intimacy. But she couldn't imagine a reason for Mac to chase down Chad, especially without telling her, unless she'd misread his feelings—about her. Maybe about everything. For the immediate present, though, she had no choice but to table those worries and handle this situation with Chad.

  "Yeah. Mac found me. And the truth is … I don't know how I fit in this. But it seems to me it's up to you. The baby's yours. Maybe you never want the kid to know I'm the father. Maybe you do. Maybe you want financial support from me. Hell, Kelly, I don't have a clue how you want to handle this with the family or the baby or anyone else—much less with Mac."

  "How about honestly?" she said with a touch of irony.

  "Honestly?"

  "A weird concept, isn't it?" She sank into a tufted velvet chair and motioned for him to sit as well. "I don't need or want money from you,
Chad. Even before we got married, Mac took care of securing Annie's financial future. And as far as your family—they already know you're Annie's blood father, so there's nothing to hide. I don't believe in hiding from the truth anyway, and the way the Fortune family is so visible in the press, I think it would be nuts to try to keep a secret. Either from outsiders or from Annie. Down the pike, she'll know who fathered her. And who her father is. Those two things aren't necessarily the same."

  "What's that supposed to mean? That Mac's taken to being a father, and you don't want me in the picture?"

  She hesitated, studying his face. "What I want isn't really an issue. We both created a problem here, and I don't think it's a problem that has any easy answers. I hear your offering to take responsibility, Chad, but I'm looking at your face, your posture—I don't need a crystal ball to figure out that you don't want to be a dad. You don't want to be here at all. And in an ideal world, I'd rather Annie never found out that she was conceived before her mom was married. But people talk. She will hear. And I'd never want to risk her finding out such a thing in the wrong way, from strangers. So my feeling is to pick the right time, be honest with her and then help her deal with it at the time."

  "So what are you saying?"

  "I'm saying that I just can't guess how these cards are going to play out in the future. I know that I'm not going to lie to my daughter. I know that you and I don't belong together, never did, never will. What I don't know is if you may want to develop a relationship with Annie some time down the road. But if you do, I'm asking you to discuss how to handle it with me first. In fact, I'd appreciate a promise from you that you'd talk ahead with me before doing anything that affects Annie's life."

  "For God's sake, what do you take me for? Of course you can have that promise." He frowned. "That's really all you want from me?"

  Long after she heard the front door close, Kelly sat in the chair, rubbing two fingers on her temples. Chad obviously never expected this encounter to go so easily. She remembered all that blushing euphoria when she'd first met him, how easily she'd been impressed by his charm and devil-may-care ways. There'd never been love. She knew that now, but somehow she expected to feel something for him besides pity and a certain sadness. He wasn't man enough to realize what he had so easily thrown away.